no l title

finally im here to blog. actually i checked my blog each & every day but i just do not have to mood to sign in blogger to blog down my tots cos these few days, all i had in mind is MESSY tots which contain a lot of stuff. in example, the blames to myself, how to face dad & mum this weekend when i go back, my appeal, assignment, theses, midterm(again) & bla bla bla. i really scared i'm getting depression one day! sigh. i've never been such a failure before ever since i'm in Uni. this sucks big time & guess what, i cant do anything to fix it now. the only option left now is REPEAT! grrrrrhhh.. i know this is all my fault! however, i still hope MIRACLE happens on me for one last time. i hope my appeal will be successful, therefore i can get back the 100bucks, no need to redo assignment, search new group members, resit for midterm as well as for final(again). i really had learnt from my lesson :S

the minute when i saw my result, i was shocked, terrified & stunned. all i had in mind is.. how should i tell mum & dad about it. i knew that they never give me any pressure on my studies. but i know all these while, mum had used me as a role model to Aaron to motivate him to study well. now, even his sister failed her exam paper, how can she be a role model again? sigh. i let mum down & this is actually the last thing that i would wanna do!

anyway, the 1st person tat i called was sher. i had no idea why she came in my mind 1st. my mind was super duper trooper messy tat time. after sher, i called ph, edmund, kok sang...... i tot i could run away from the reality but in fact, i CANT no matter how hard i tried :'(

after all the phone calls to friends, i knew that whatever happened is a fact that cannot be changed so i called mum. when i was listening to the dialling tone, my heartbeat increase & when mum pick up the phone, my heartbeat actually stop for a second. i took a deep breathe & told her about my result. she was very chilled over the other side of the phone, she didnt scold me nor blame me at all. this makes me even more guilty. she told me whatever happened just let it be, just pray hard & do better the next time. i was so touched with what she said. however, i'm not hapy at all. in fact, my sadness had been doubled up.

immediately after calling mum, i decided to pay 100bucks for appeal. i do not know whether is this the right decision to make or not because some of my friends said it is not gonna help but some said at least i get another 50/50 chance. ya, another chance. hopefully God grant me with that. *finger crossed*.

right after i settled everything in the FGO office, i straight away took bus to church. Church is the place where i can find the peace that i need. Church makes me feel better. Church is the home of God. i do not know what else can i do after submitting the appeal form. all i can think of is going to church only so i took the 1hour++ bus all the way from Sg Long to KL.

the day the result released is the worst day eva in my life because my result sucks, i didnt get to sleep for the whole night because my tummy was unwell, i keep running to the toilet to puke & poo. i had a super bad night & duper worse morning. seriously do not why is my luck so bad lor! :S

anyway, this day of mine i will never ever forget. 14102009 is gonna be in my heart & mind forever. i will forever & ever remember the lesson that i've learnt from it & shall never repeat it again.

besides that, i would like to take this oppurtunity to thank those who show their support to me especially baby lee. thanks baby & sorry for throwing tantrum at you too.

thats all.

;)